Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
