thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
