Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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