I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
