she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
