32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
