He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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