I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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