Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
