I think I died a long time ago.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
