hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
