Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
