...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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