fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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