Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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