bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
