The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
