I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
