Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
