soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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