If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
