I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
