i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize