Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
