i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
