The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
