you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
