either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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