so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
