don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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