My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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