The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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