We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
