i already hear my dad disowning me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize