felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
