If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
