Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Green mimosas i think yes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We left the knife in your bed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
