We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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