Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
