WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize