My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
