i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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