dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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