ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
