scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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