I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
