if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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