I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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