So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize