Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize