Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
