Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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