it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize