he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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