we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
They left me at home... I'm a liability
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
