Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
