Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
