So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize