Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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