i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
