It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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