....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
