how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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