So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
