Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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