some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
