i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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