if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
